Before tackling divorce head-on, you should consider marriage counselling. If you can fix the issues in your marriage before it gets too late. Going down this route may salvage your marriage, thus saving you time, money, and potential heartache.
What exactly does marriage counselling involve however? In this blog, I’ll outline what it entails, and how it acts as a simple yet effective alternative to divorce.
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What is marriage counselling?
Marriage counselling aims to improve the relationship in a marriage by resolving any issues or conflicts both parties have. It is a form of therapy that allows married couples to improve their understanding of each other.
Therefore, it’s potentially a healthier way of dealing with toxic or difficult topics that a couple may not feel comfortable discussing with each other.
How does it work?
Typically, couples will sit down with a qualified counsellor during marriage counselling sessions. During this time, they will help identify problems that either of you believe are detrimental to your relationship.
You’ll meet with the counsellor regularly (perhaps once a week or fortnight) meaning that you’ll be able to discuss a wide range of issues.
What do they ask in marriage counselling?
In marriage counselling, anything is up for discussion. Your counsellor will quickly identify the issues in your marriage by asking you both questions about your:
- Feelings for each other
- Finances
- Children
- Thoughts on divorce
Many marriages encompass issues that fall outside of these primary categories. Other topics that may arise include:
- Issues with employment
- Adultery
- Illnesses
- Hobbies
There is no exhaustive list for what questions may arise in marriage counselling. Importantly, if either party deems it worthy to bring up, you will definitely be a point of discussion and something that your therapist will focus on.
Do both parties need to attend?
There are no rules about how marriage counselling should operate. This depends entirely on how your counsellor operates.
Some marriage counsellors will begin by seeing each partner separately. This gives them an understanding of how both parties feel before inviting them in together.
Other counsellors may offer separate sessions entirely. However, they will not keep secrets, they’ll likely bring up your issues with the other party.
How much is marriage counselling?
The prices of marriage counselling obviously differ depending on the company you choose to go with. On average, you’d expect to pay between £45 to £55 an hour for a counsellor.
However, these prices can rise to up to £200 if you pay for a higher quality session. With this, you’d expect your counsellor to have much more experience in dealing with troubled marriages, and probably a much higher success rate.
Who pays for these sessions?
Most couples will likely split the fees for marriage counselling or pay for it from their joint account.
However, if you and your spouse are not on great terms, you’ll need to determine who or how you’ll make payment. Ensure you discuss this ahead of time to avoid any further animosity.
Can I get sessions for free?
No. Marriage counselling will require some form of payment, whether it be for an individual session or payment for a block of sessions.
Many counsellors will offer their first marriage counselling session free of charge in order to gauge the issues in your relationship.
There are also options to apply for free relationship counselling online. This can supply you with tools to tackle your marriage’s issues. However, it is limited in that you will not have an experienced therapist to tailor the solutions they provide.
How long does marriage counselling take?
On average, a marriage counselling session lasts around an hour.
For the entire process, it really depends. Typically, most couples only need around 4 to 6 sessions.
However, all marriages are different. If you only have one point of contention to raise, it may only take 1 or 2 sessions to overcome. Couples that have many issues may need much more time to discuss.
Is it worth carrying on if we’ve already had several sessions?
It depends. Whilst having more sessions may mean that your marriage has more issues, it may also mean that you’re both willing to try and find a solution.
The opposite is also true : less sessions may mean that you have less issues in your marriage. However, many couples trial a session or two, realise that it will be nigh impossible to find an answer to their issues, and then proceed with divorce.
Remember – it doesn’t matter how many sessions you have if both of you are willing to listen to eachother. Every marriage is different.
Does marriage counselling work?
Most studies suggest that marriage counselling has success rates of roughly 70%. Whilst it’s not always effective, it’s definitely worth considering before going ahead with divorce.
Even if it doesn’t succeed, at least you know where you and your spouse stand. This will likely make future negotiations surrounding finances and children easier. You’ll have a better understanding of your spouse feels and, consequently, will know what will make them happy.
What if it’s not successful?
If marriage counselling doesn’t remedy the issues in your marriage, it’s best to start considering other options.
Maybe you and your spouse should spend some time apart to see if that fixes anything. If so, consider trying informal separation.
However, if you think that ending your relationship is the best course of action, you should start looking at either divorce or judicial separation.
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