In this article
Similar to financial proceedings and child arrangements, mediation will generally occur simultaneously with the divorce process. In this article, I’ll be covering what family mediation entails, its benefits, and many other related questions.
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Part 5 in our ‘Getting a Divorce’ series
Part 4: Child Arrangements
Part 6: Life After Divorce
What is family mediation?
Family mediation is a face-to-face process that allows couples going through divorce to work out arrangements for their finances and children. This involves an independent and professionally-trained family mediator to act as a third party and seek the best resolution.
Importantly, family mediation does not work the same way as marriage counselling – mediators are not trying to solve the issues in your marriage. Instead, they are trying to find some middle ground between you and your spouse in order to get past any disagreements you may have.
How does it work?
Prior to any joint meetings, the mediator will sit down with both you and your spouse individually to understand the issues in your marriage.
Here they will outline whether or not they think mediation will be a suitable solution for you. This first meeting is often called a Mediation Information & Assessment Meeting (or MIAM for short.)
During family mediation, the mediator will ask you and your spouse questions about your marriage. They do this to:
- help identify the issues you have;
- find a solution or middle-ground; and
- highlight the next steps.
At the end of each meeting, the mediator will provide you with a summary of the discussion. When you eventually reach an agreement, the mediator will record this into a memorandum of understanding, thus outlining what the parties have agreed to.
It’s important to remember that family mediation is completely in your control. You do not have to do anything against your wishes and it is a place to have an amicable discussion about your future.
What does it cover?
Prior to any joint meetings, the mediator will sit down with both you and your spouse individually to understand the issues in your marriage.
Here they will outline whether or not they think mediation will be a suitable solution for you. This first meeting is often called a Mediation Information & Assessment Meeting (or MIAM for short.)
During family mediation, the mediator will ask you and your spouse questions about your marriage. They do this to:
- help identify the issues you have;
- find a solution or middle-ground; and
- highlight the next steps.
At the end of each meeting, the mediator will provide you with a summary of the discussion. When you eventually reach an agreement, the mediator will record this into a memorandum of understanding, thus outlining what the parties have agreed to.
It’s important to remember that family mediation is completely in your control. You do not have to do anything against your wishes and it is a place to have an amicable discussion about your future.
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What are the benefits of family mediation?
Family mediation can help couples to agree on difficult areas of their divorce, thus saving court fees and time in the long run. Furthermore, it is advantageous as it:
- gives you more control over the decisions you make on finances and children;
- allows you to discuss sensitive matters in a stress-free environment; and
- allows both parties to mutually agree on areas and draft up orders.
Further to this, partaking in family mediation shows the court that both sides have been amicable throughout the process. This means that they are likely to favour any agreements that have come from the process.
Are any agreements legally binding?
Any agreements that come from family mediation are technically not enforceable in the court, meaning they are not legally binding. However, a solicitor can help draft these agreements into legally binding orders (e.g. financial consent orders).
Remember that whilst these are not legally enforceable, the court will use agreements as a basis on which they make their judgement.
What happens if I change my mind?
It is fine to later alter any agreements you make if you change your mind. They’re not legally binding and you won’t even have to sign them in many cases.
However, in some scenarios, the judge may ask why you chose to alter your previous decision. If they deem you to be uncooperative, it may result in them favouring the other party.
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When can I start family mediation?
Many of my clients think that you can only start mediation just after the court approves your divorce application. However, you can in fact start family mediation at any point during divorce proceedings.
It’s never too late to try mediation – the court will always look favourably at those who are willing to try it.
Can I refuse to mediate?
Whilst attendance at mediation is voluntary, you should at least consider it. Typically, this involves attending the first meeting (or MIAM).
If you fail to respond or decline an invitation to family mediation without a good reason, the judge may ask you why if your case later goes to court.
When is it not appropriate?
Family mediation will not be appropriate for you in a number of scenarios. These include:
- allegations of domestic or sexual abuse;
- imminent danger to yourself or your child; or
- imbalance of power in the relationship (e.g. English is not your first language).
If mediation is not appropriate for you, the court will not hold it against you for not participating.
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How much does family mediation cost?
Family mediators generally charge between £80 to £140 per hour. These rates will differ depending on who you choose to undergo mediation with.
Typically, the average person going through mediation will expect to pay between £600 to £1,000. This includes the cost of your MIAM and any documents that you receive at the end.
Your overall price will differ depending on the number of topics you discuss, how long it takes to reach an agreement, and how amicable both sides are.
Whilst you may require a solicitor to settle more technical and contentious issues, going to a mediator first may prove more cost-effective in the long run.
What if I can’t afford it?
If you are eligible for legal aid, the entirety of the family mediation process will be free. The mediator will outline if they think you’ll qualify for legal aid in your first meeting.
If your spouse is eligible for legal aid, the assessment meeting and first session will be free for you too. Any subsequent sessions will require payment.
Family mediation frequently asked questions.
As every divorce is different, it’s common for people to have questions about family mediation and if it’s the right solution for them. Here are some frequently asked questions about mediation to potentially alleviate some of your concerns.
1. I don't want to see my ex again - do I still have to go?
However, mediation offers a safe and controlled environment in which you can speak freely with your spouse alongside a trained mediator. If you have doubts, it may be best to try a joint session first and see how you feel.
2. Can my solicitor attend the sessions with me?
In spite of this, there are ways in which your solicitor can attend. For example, you could attend hybrid mediation instead, in which both parties have a solicitor present to give them advice on the spot.
3. My ex is uncooperative. Is there any point in attending?
However, you will need to show to the court that you have at least tried mediation. In reality, few cases actually end up going to court, as it takes a lot of time and money to reach an agreement.
Moreover, the courts will expect you and your partner to reach an agreement regardless. Family mediation accomplishes this with lower costs and less time.
More from our ‘Getting a Divorce’ series
Part 4: Child Arrangements
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