Child caught in the middle of parents getting a divorce

5. Children During the Divorce Process

Although this may seem an obvious factor, the key thing to remember here is that it’s you getting a divorce and not your children. However, this is not to say that your children are not still very much involved in the divorce. Your children are very vulnerable during this time, meaning if they aren’t given the correct support, the trauma could have a lasting effect. Children need to be protected during a divorce, and the following are a few tips that can ensure that they feel reassured with the change.

Firstly, stay away from bad mouthing your partner in front of your children. It’ s an easy thing to do in the heat of the moment as it’s natural to have anger towards your partner during the divorce proceedings. However, it has been proven that saying cruel things in the presence of your children can have a lasting effect on them, and they may blame you for this.

Secondly, your children need to have a relationship with both you and your spouse. Your children will likely still love both you and your ex-partner and want to continue having a relationship with you both. No matter how angry or upset you are with your spouse, we advise you not to discourage a healthy parent-child bond. It may be difficult, but, trying to break this relationship up can do you more harm than good as your child will likely blame you for not having a relationship with their other parent which can lead to them resenting you.

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4. Don’t Dwell on the Reasons for Getting a Divorce

As much as we wish it did, the family courts place little value on the reasons why a marriage broke down and who was responsible in most cases. Their priority is simply to validate that the marriage has broken down to a point where it can not be saved and that it can be ended.

Reflecting on the reasons for why you are getting a divorce can hurt you more financially because you can end up in a long, drawn out legal battle over who did what when and to who, when really all you are doing is delaying the finalisation of your divorce. Remember your solicitor is not your councillor and they will be recording their time spent discussing factors that may not support your case in court.

We understand this is a tough ask, but bear in mind that the quicker you and your ex-partner come to a compromise over the reasons for divorce, the sooner you can both be free of your marriage and move on with your lives.

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2. Document Everything for the Divorce Process

In times where assets are being divided, it’s better to be safe than sorry as some specific divorces can lead to disputes over valuable items, such as cameras, TVs or an expensive painting. Creating an inventory and documenting is a massive help to aggressive separations where essential documents and assets can go missing because without proof that they ever existed it results in a “my word versus your word” scenario. Additionally, even in simple divorces, this action can help speed up the entire process.

Disputes can often be avoided altogether by taking the following advised steps:

  • Take photographs of every item you are interested in, so there’s a record of it.
  • Check that there is a date associated with the photos. On a smartphone, it should save the date to each picture automatically. If unsure, using the front page of that day’s newspaper in the photo is another option.
  • Once you’ve got the images, you need to make sure they are kept in a secure place.
  • Create a list of all the items and research to get an estimated value of each one.
  • Make sure you make a copy of all essential documents and, also, keep these in a safe place.
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